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94.7 The Eagle
' 94.7 The Eagle '''is a classic rock radio station in the game. Tracklist *Shadow Lay - Anonymous ''(1976) *The Chain - Fleetwood Mac (1976) *Take The Money And Run - Steve Miller Band (1976) *After Midnight - Eric Clapton (1970) *Traveller In Time - Uriah Heep (1972) *Somebody To Love - Jefferson Airplane (1967) *Don't Fear The Reaper - Blue Oyster Cult (1976) *Summer Breeze - Seals & Croft (1972) *Make Me Smile - Steve Harley & Cockney Rebel (1975) *Gimmie Back My Bullets - Lynyrd Skynyrd (1976) *Revolution Blues - Neil Young (1974) *Long Time Gone - Crosby, Stills, & Nash (1969) *Gator Country - Molly Hatchet (1978) *Midnight Rider - Allman Brothers (1970) *Cross Eyed Mary - Jethro Tull (1971) *Point Of Know Return - Kansas (1977) *The Bargain - The Who (1971) *Don't Come Around Here No More - Tom Petty (1985) *All Of My Love (1979) *Kiss Him Goodbye - Steam (1969) Script 'Imaging Voice: '''The best classic rock in the mountains, 94.7 The Eagle! '''Gary: '''You're listening to WAMX 94.7, The Eagle. I'm your DJ, Gary Wallace, and if my ex wife is listening, yes, I was unfaithful! I cheated on you all the time, even with your sister! ''"Shadow Lay", "The Chain", and "Take the Money & Run" play 'Gary: '''Holy fuck, we'd better roll out some commercials or they're gonna turn the lights out here. ''Commercials play 'Imaging Voice: '''The best classic rock in the mountains, 94.7 The Eagle! '''Gary: '''If any of you folks out there are regular listeners, you know this here's the home of real rock and stuff. Not just here, but all over America! So if you're just driving through the great state of West Virginia, fuck wherever you came from! This here's the real home of rock, not Liberty City, or Washington, and definently not Florida! Here's some real rock coming up for you! ''"After Midnight", "Traveller In Time", and "Somebody to Love" play 'Gary: '''Jefferson Airplane, you gotta love them. You know, back when they were still Jefferson Airplane, before they started selling out and started singing about building cities on rock and roll! Fuck! The manager's yelling at me for cussing on air, fuck! ''Commercials Play 'Imaging Voice: '''The best classic rock in the mountains, 94.7 The Eagle! '''Gary: '''We got Blue Oyster Cult coming up with "Don't Fear The Reaper", it's one hell of a good record, you know, back when rock 'n' roll was still rock 'n' roll before it sold out to those hipster looking guys you see hanging around shopping malls and Bean Machines. Go back to your homes, we don't want you here! ''"Don't Fear The Reaper", "Summer Breeze", and "Make Me Smile" play 'Gary: '''Come up and see me, Sharon you little shit! You got my car, you got the house, what else do you want from me!? ''Commercials Play 'Imaging Voice: '''The best classic rock in the mountains, 94.7 The Eagle! '''Gary: '''This here's Lynyrd Skynyrd, best Southern Rock band to come out of Florida, and quite possibly the only Southern Rock band to die in a plane wreck. ''"Gimmie Back My Bullets", "Revolution Blues", and "Long Time Gone" play 'Gary: '''Who says rock's dead? Nobody in this studio, that's for sure, unless they're asking to get their testicles ripped out of their fucking throat! ''Commercials Play 'Imaging Voice: '''The best classic rock in the mountains, 94.7 The Eagle! '''Gary: '''Turn up the radio, stay in your car, don't touch that dial-IF you touch that dial, I will personally find you and shoot you in the face like I did to that Taliban guy! Keep it on the Eagle! ''"Gator Country", "Midnight Rider", and "Cross Eyed Mary" play 'Gary: '''I gotta take a big sloppy shit, roll the commercials! ''Commercials Play 'Imaging Voice: '''The best classic rock in the mountains, 94.7 The Eagle! '''Gary: '''So I was at Willie's the other day, buying cat food for myself, and this guy comes up to me and asks "Aren't you the guy on the radio?" and I say "Yeah" and he says "Can I have your autograph?" and I say "Fuck no! Gary Wallace don't do no autographs because he's not a sellout motherfucker!" I'm not on the radio for money! I'm a fucking patriot! I'm here to spread the good word of hard liquor and classic rock! ''"Point of Know Return", "Bargain", and "Don't Come Around Here No More" play 'Gary: '"Don't Come Around Here No More" is what I'd say to my ex if she shows up at my place, but then again, I ain't heard from the bitch in a year, so who cares. Commercials Play 'Imaging Voice: '''The best classic rock in the mountains, 94.7 The Eagle! '''Gary: '''We play more Simon & Garfunkel than any other station. Matter of fact, we're the only station to play Simon & Garfunkel, what with that new German rap, pop, whatever station spreading all over the country like a tumor and that punk station slandering the good name of rock! ''"Sound of Silence" and "Kiss Him Goodbye" play 'Gary: '''Goddamn, I could've sworn I heard that song covered at least a dozen times, mostly at wrestling events. ''Commercials play Station repeats